we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
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