Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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