have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
