As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Randomize
