ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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