you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
