dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
