Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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