Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
