that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
