i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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