the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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