I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
