i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
COCAINE IS GR8
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
