So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
