I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
