Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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