Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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