i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
