What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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