I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
is it fun? or sober?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
