At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
