I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
