i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
