Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
