is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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