dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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