I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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