Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
