Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
no you cant smoke seaweed
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
