I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
