Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
