My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
