this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
