Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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