how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Randomize
