I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
