we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
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