I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
