3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
