can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
porn star boner night. come get it.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
