i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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