You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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