found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
