Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
