I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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