Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
