Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
