You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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