I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
