Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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