Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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