Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize