I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
