Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
