Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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