I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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