did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We left an ass print on the piano.
Houston, we have a blender
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
