why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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