I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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