when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
