It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
