Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize